Erizon
You are correct that I only talked about when John is wrong and left out the other half of the equation; the one where Jane claims that her fun is ruined by *everything* John does. This is something I also see disturbingly much amongst RPers; as soon as the story doesn't go exactly as they want, they break out of character and accuse the other of being a bad RPer.John's motivations are to make the game more fun for everyone, but John and Jane disagree on what is fun.
Now this is not griefing, but it's also no longer RP. It's just monologuing. The nature of RP is that it's interactive and improvisational. Reacting to other players' unexpected actions is the crucial part of it. A good RPer is one that can go with the flow and adapt to any unexpected turn, including (especially!) those that are bad for their character. If you don't want surprises, you shouldn't be RPing, you should be writing a book where you have complete control over every character.