#1 [en] 

by R.L. Jorgenstine

Editor’s note:

Yuboball is a sport played on a field with two teams of three players, a referee, and one yubo. The players use harmless magics like taunt, fear, and root effects to herd the yubo though the other team’s goalposts.


“But Mom,” I yelled angrily, “Jill Wyler is a bully! She hates us! Please don't make me invite her to my birthday party!”

“Listen here, Anita Woodnode,” lectured my mother, Corporal Patty Woodnode, “Jill is a fine girl. From a noble family.”

“Yeah,” I returned, “And she just happens to be the daughter of your commanding officer!”

“So? He thinks Jill should hang around with kids smarter than her current friends. Smart like you and Amber. You *will* invite her. That is an order.”

You didn't argue with someone like my mother. She carried an autolauncher. She had won the PvP tournaments three years in a row – using only headbutts.

“Jill is hot!” enthused my annoying little brother Daniel – a.k.a Amoeba Dan – slicking his hair back, “I’m going to ask her out at the party.”

“Dan you are *eleven!*” I shouted at him. I shouted a lot around my family. “And anyway you won’t be at my party. Forget it.”

“Of course your brother is going to your party, Anita,” corrected my famous stepfather, Professor Beckers Barker, potion scientist, petting our family yubo, Sprinkles, while making furious notes in a journal, “We're all going.”

I called him Beckers to his face, and Professor Stepdad behind his back. And I wasn’t happy with his announcement.

“Beckers, be reasonable. This year I want a party just with my friends. I’m old enough now.”

“Friends?” Little Amoeba Dan snickered, “You mean friend.”

“Nonsense Anita!” Professor Stepdad reasoned, “Everyone loves a family birthday party! I've booked a table at The Weeny Ragus. Your uncle will be there. We can look at all the Anlor Winn decorations. Your new friend Jill will love it.”

I was mortified. “No no no! I can’t invite Jill, a Frogmore senior yuboball cheerleader, to a *family restaurant* party! She goes to *real* parties! With the yuboballers!”

Sprinkles growled at the word. He was a rescue from the yuboball fields, and he had spent his former life being taunted by athletes. Which was exactly what was going to happen to me when I talked to Jill.

“You have your orders, Anita,” Corporal Mom snapped, picked up her helmet and left to go on duty.

Thankfully, Prof. Stepdad was much easier to manipulate. He was always distracted with his latest concoction.

I hatched a plan designed to avoid talking to Jill. I coughed dramatically a few times. “Oh no, Beckers..” I groaned, “I think I am sick. I might have to stay home from school today.”

“Splendid!” he looked up from his notes and handed me a bucket, “You can help me! I need yubo urine for my current project. You can follow Sprinkles around and collect his pee all day for me. Two liters should be enough.”

I quickly unhatched my plan, “Uh, I think I’m better now.”

I walked to Frogmore School, dreading my mother’s stupid orders.


“Are you *insane*?” gasped Amber-soo, as I recounted the current situation to her.

Amber-soo was my best friend. Well, she was my only friend, so I guess that made her my best friend too.

“Mom will kill me if I don't invite Jill,” I sighed, “You know how she is. Anyway the worst that can happen is that Jill says no.”

“The worst that can happen is that we get bullied for a year.”

“They already bully us. And I have my orders. So here I go..” I saluted Amber-soo dramatically, “Comrade, it has been an honor.” I turned and walked towards Jill Wyler and her popular sports team friends.

“There goes a *hero!*” yelled Amber.


Jill and her mean friends looked at me quizzically as I dared to approach them. Her group was very exclusive. I cleared my throat. “Uh, lordoy Jill. You are invited to my birthday party tonight at The Weeny Ragus.”

She glanced over to the other cheerleaders and yuboballers, amused. “Cool! But first, who are you? Do I even know you?”

They all laughed. I blushed a little. “OK whatever Jill. You know who I am. And I'm just inviting you. You don't have to come.”

“Correct. I don’t. Hmm. I remember now. Little Anita Woodnode is it? No friends, not on any teams? Prefers lame books? And doesn't your Corporal mother take her orders from my Captain father?”

I was getting angry. Was she actually bullying my mom now?

One of the beefy yuboballers bounced a crumpled piece of paper off my head, to more laughter.

( don’t worry, they probably all die a few chapters from now. )

I turned and walked away, and returned to Amber-soo. She gently asked, “That looked bad. What did Jill say?”

“What do you think? She mocked me. Of course she isn’t coming. Why would she?”

“So… Result!”

Amber-soo was so right! We slapped a high five.


It was a dark and stormy night. My mother, brother and Amber-soo walked along the wharf towards the bar.

Professor Stepdad had bailed! Earlier, a package marked “Gibbaï Fluids” had arrived, to his great delight. He had disappeared into his lab, saying he would be a little late. So much for his ‘family party’ idea.

However I was feeling fine. Maybe this would be a good birthday after all.

Arriving at The Weeny Ragus, my mother went to chat with other guards, probably about headbutt techniques. We three kids went up to her brother, uncle Liffan Ba'Naer the bartender.

(Many homins, even those who live in Fairhaven, do not know that its main pub has a name. The sign fell into the lake twenty years ago and it was never replaced.)

“One large byrh please!” Amoeba Dan chirped to uncle Liffan.

The bartender laughed fondly. He placed drinks in front of Amber-soo and myself, but just tousled Dan's hair, “Sorry, little man! Trykers can't drink until they are twelve years old. Your own mother would arrest me!”

“Awww!” Dan pouted, “Not fair. I want to be able to buy drinks for girls tonight. Then they will think I’m cool.” He spotted Shardie the Tourist Guide, and strutted over to try to romance her. That was going to be awkard.

My only friend and I drank our byrhs. We chatted with uncle Liffan, and Krill and the other drunks – i mean the other patrons. We danced a bit. Even though I had complained earlier, it wasn't a bad birthday party after all.

Then Amber-soo grabbed me and hissed into my ear, “Oh no! The fun is over! Jill just walked in.”


My heart sank. Yes. Jill was here. With all the other sports jerks too. They were already drunk and rowdy. Had they come to my party simply to mock us? Yes. Yes they had.

“Hello birthday girl!” Jill laughed, putting a silly party-hat on my head, “Cool party! You even brought your mom and everything! I’m sure glad we didn’t miss a banger like this!” More wads of paper bounced off our heads.

But that wasn’t all! At the same time, Professor Stepdad rushed up, wearing only his housecoat and slippers, crazy-eyed with scientific fervor. He had Sprinkles and a big flask of bubbling, glowing, yellow liquid. I wanted to die with embarrassment.

It got even worse.

He grabbed my drink out of my hand, ranting to the startled athletes beside me, “More urine! I need so much more urine!”

“Beckers,” I hissed at him, beet-red, “that is byrh, not –”

“Soon it will be, Anita, soon it will be.” He offered the byrh to Sprinkles, who happily drank it. “Yes! Yes! Drink!” the professor cackled with glee, “Fill that huge bladder for daddy!”

This was literally so disturbing and uncool that the bullies couldn’t handle it. With a stepdad like mine I was basically doing their work for them. They backed away nervously from the nut-job and decided to go check out the gubani wheel instead.

But Prof. Stepdad was already bustling out. Byrh in hand, he hurried back toward our apartment to get Sprinkles drunk and incontinent, for science.

Amber-soo laughed, “What a weirdo. Look, he forgot his potion. Should we run after him?” She swirled the flask around and sniffed it. “AIGH! My nose! Science smells like butt.”

I shook my head in despair, “Relax. He’ll be back in five minutes when he remembers that he hasn’t humiliated me enough. Just watch.”

Little Amoeba Dan returned, glum-faced, “The tourist guide isn’t interested in dating me for some reason.”

Amber-soo exclaimed, “I would hope not! She’s a grown woman! Face it Dan, you just have to wait until you are older.”

But our tiny Romeo, Amoeba Dan, had spotted another potential love-conquest, “Oh! Jill Wyler is here. Can I *please* drink a byrh so I can say cool things to her?”

Amber-soo laughed out loud, “Byrh literally does the opposite – Hey! No! Give that back!”

Amoeba Dan had snatched the flask. He yelled, “Haha! Finders-keepers!”

We had no time to react as the little dummy tipped about a third of the vile potion into his mouth and gulped it down. We gasped in disgust.

His eyes widened. He went pale. He looked quite ill. But he said, “Ungh.. I feel more cool already..”

“That wasn't byrh you idiot!” I shouted at him, “You just drank yubo pee and chemicals! We need to find a healer! I’ll get Mom!”

My party was basically ruined now. At least things can’t get any worse, I thought to myself.

Sure they could! A break in the clouds appeared, and both moons were suddenly visible.


With a shriek, little Amoeba Dan began to warp and change into something huge, hirsute and horrible: the nearly mythical youb-garou!

It was the hairiest, smelliest gibbai imaginable, but with the huge head of a fanged yubo!
We squealed in panic and ran in circles trying to escape, just like everyone else in the bar.

But the monstrous monster wasn’t interested in us. It was spawned from yubo DNA, and it had spotted its natural enemy: yuboballers.

With inhuman strength and speed, the mighty youb-garou roared, extended its dagger-like claws, and leapt straight across the bar directly into the cowering crowd of bullies.

Pandemonium! Blood and body parts flew everywhere! A pancreas landed in my hair! A thyroid gland and a kneecap hit Amber-soo full in the face. An eyeball hit me in the eyeball! We were traumatized for life!

In seconds it was all over. No sports team could possibly have survived such grisly ferocity. The huge mangy youb-garou howled in victory and began to feast voraciously on lungs, spleens, and aortas strewn about him.


At least that is what might have happened if Corporal Mom hadn’t charged in just as the monster sprang! When the trouble had started, she had dashed to the nearby guard station. She was now fully armed and armored.

She headbutted the gruesome boss causing it stop its lethal spring and to roar in pain.

But she was no match for a creature with that much hp and metabolism. It recovered quickly and slashed at Mom with long claws – sending her flying and nearly slicing through her heavy armor. Then it galloped away down the wharf.

I was terrified, but Mom was unfazed. She turned to the screaming crowd, holding up her badge, "This is the Fairhaven Guard! Clear the area. There is nothing to see here!”

“Really?” a dazed man asked incredulously, pointing at the three meter tall monster on the wharf, “Really?”

Mom glowered, “What I mean is, please disperse and let the town guard deal with this threat. A youb-garou may seem invincible, but it can be killed if you know the trick. It is a puzzle boss.”

“How?” wailed a trembling woman.

“You need ammo crafted with either silver or supreme moon resin.”

“What is silver?” wailed same trembling woman again.

“Nobody knows. So mostly we just go with the moon resin,” Mom said, “and I keep a few rounds in my inventory for just such an emergency. Therefore fear not! I swear that I shall slay that creature before it can wreak any more havoc."

I grabbed her arm, "Mom no! ‘That creature’ is Amoeba Dan! He got infected from Beckers’ potion! It isn't his fault!"

She wasn’t listening. Tonight she was all Corporal, no Mom. She just strode off after the monster saying, “Not now, Anita. I'm on duty.”


Corporal Patty Woodnode approached her transformed son, loaded the special ammo and fired her autolauncher. The creature howled in pain and lurched away down the wharf. The city alarm was sounding. More guards were on their way.

Mom stomped forward, her armor clanking, firing again. It was all happening so fast! This could be the end of my family!

“Aighghgh!” I screamed in frustration. I turned to Amber-soo. “What can we do? Mom is going to kill Amoeba Dan! Or the other way around! Or both!”

My best friend said seriously, “Anita, we can stop this. But not as two junior nerd girls. We need to get bigger. Much bigger.” she eyed the two-thirds full flask.

“Have you gone mad!?”

“Do you have a better plan?” She snapped, “We have about ten seconds until one of them is dead.”

“What if we can’t control ourselves? What if all we do is go kill the yuboballers?”

Amber-soo answered stoically, “That ... is a chance that I am willing to take.”

Holding our noses, we guzzled the warm, frothing yubo pee beverage. Some birthday party this was turning out to be.

We gagged on the taste, but the science brew worked quickly under the full moons. With agonizing contortions and snapping tendons, we became huge, slavering youves-garous, and instantly rushed to defend our fur-brother.


Using the element of surprise and our now massive size, smell, and excessive hairiness, we grabbed Corporal Mom and simply yeeted her way out into the bay, with a huge splash.

That bought Dan some time. He shambled back towards us, causing the wharf to shake with every step.

Monster Amber-soo and Monster Myself slapped high-fives with our giant claws.

We just like to do high-fives in all situations.

But the other Fairhaven guards were on high alert now. They were running in from all sides. They all carried lethal autolaunchers with magic moon ammo. There was no escape!

“Awooooooooooo!” I howled in desperation, extending my razor claws and preparing to fight – to the death. I was thinking more like a monster with every passing second.


But sweet, sweet Jena smiled upon us in that very moment. The stormy night hit for real: Sapstorm – 100% humidity – heavy rain. The now setting moons were suddenly completely obscured by clouds!

Instantly we changed back into three tiny Tryker kids! Even our original clothes returned unripped! That part makes no sense but it is written in for decency!

Amoeba Dan was clutching his little arm and crying. Luckily, the magic ammo had just grazed him.

It was so dark and rainy now that the nervous guards hadn’t seen much but dark shadows. They shouted at us: “Hey! You there! You kids! Which way did that pack of youbs-garous go?”

Amber-soo pointed across the beach. “Over that hill! Towards the Karavan temple maybe. Hurry!”

“Thanks!” the guards responded and began to move in that direction though the rain.

But at that moment, Jill Wyler’s voice shouted out, loud and clear, “Guards! Wait! Those dumb kids are lying! I saw the whole thing! *They* are the youbs-garous! Shoot them!”


The cops just stared at her. She yelled, “What are you waiting for? I’m Jill Wyler. And I’m telling you I saw them transform!”

“Young lady, don’t waste our time. Homins can’t just ‘transform’ into bosses. It would take a literal supergenius to create a potion so strong. Not to mention a heck of a lot of yubo pee. And may we ask: how much have you had to drink tonight?”

She screamed at them that she’d order her father to get them fired, but they ignored the little turd and went back to their search. I felt proud. Tryker professionals are mostly incorruptible, unlike those in some nations I could mention.

But the tables had turned. Rich little spoiled girl Jill Wyler found herself alone, on the dock at night, in the pouring rain, with us three former monsters. She began to tremble.

I walked up to her and said, “Hello Jill. Thanks again for coming to my party. Are you having fun yet?”

“P p p please..” she wimpered, “don’t eat me..”

“I wouldn’t dream of it!” I smiled an evil smile, “Unless of course you or your friends ever try bullying us again. I just get so *hungry* sometimes. Do you understand?”

“Y y yes Ma’am.” she squeaked, shaking like a leaf.


As we headed for home, soaking wet Corporal Mom, Professor Stepdad and (drunk) Sprinkles came running up. They had been frantically looking for us, fearing the worst.

“Oh!” Corporal Mom exclaimed, hugging us all, “There you are! My wonderful children! I’m so glad that you are alive! And you too Amber-soo! To a lesser extent!”

Then she strode away, shouting, “Now go straight home with Beckers, please. I’ll be out late. I need to lead the hunt for those bosses.”

Prof Stepdad said, “Kids, first we need to swing by The Weeny Ragus again, I think I left my flask there.”

“You mean your flask of youb-garou potion!?” I yelled, “What were you thinking?”

“What? Don’t be silly Anita. My potion is a baldness cure. Only one tiny drop will quickly grow thick, luxuriant hair. We’re going to be rich!”

We kids looked at each other. Amber-soo said, “Dr. Woodnode, I think your potion needs a few bug fixes still..”


I was so grateful to be home. Everything was finally back to normal. I’m sure the potion would wear off before the next full moons.

So thirsty from our ordeal, I went to the fridge ( yes, we have them – they work using cold spells ) and I grabbed three bottles of delicious salina berry wine.

We deserved a drink. We had survived a great birthday adventure, and the mean kids of Frogmore High wouldn’t dare to bully us ever again.

We even let Amoeba Dan have a bottle. The little creep could practice being cool in the safety of our house. We clinked our bottles, toasted each other, slapped high-fives, (of course we did!) and drank happily.

Gaaa! What a bad flavor! More like blood than fruit wine! Amber-soo looked puzzled, coughed, and read the label on the bottle. Her eyes went wide, "Uh, guys.. I think we just drank another of your stepfather’s experiments.."

I stared at my bottle in shock. It read: “Danger! Not for homin consumption! Concentrated *Vampirism* Effect!”

“NOOOOOOOOOOO!” we all screamed!


Edited 4 times | Last edited by Jorgensen (6 months ago)

#2 [en] 

Vampires, vampires everywhere!

#3 [en] 

better resolution here+ on wiki ession

Last edited by Craftjenn (6 months ago)


Mon profil sur le wiki Francais

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