ROLEPLAY

The Tryker torch crackled through the apartment, while the other 3 were extinguished, leaving just enough light to see the objects, the furniture and the children's eyes. Normally, you'd think it was a quiet winter's evening, with a Tryker and a Zorai looking after their miniatures... but something wasn't quite right.
The pressure of the water acting on the large underwater glass pane of the Tryker dwelling let us hear a silence... we could hear and identify a silence coming from the lakes of freedom. A slight gurgle could be heard, accompanied by a dozen or so bubbles rising along the decorative glass to its destination... the surface of the lakes.
Besides... the surface... I hadn't seen it for a few weeks. Was it that I missed it the most? or exchanging a few reassuring words with my wife? because yes, it had been weeks since we'd locked ourselves in the apartment to devote ourselves solely to the children.
As for Maya'kan and Saya'kan, they hadn't asked for anything, which was probably why we'd refrained from explaining ourselves openly to them. Naturally, we took turns looking after the little ones, changing them, feeding them, feeding ourselves... and sleeping.

It's said that children are sponges for the feelings, atmospheres and emotions around them, yet their naivety gave nothing away. They were growing up so fast. I could see it, and commander that I was, faced with a tribe of marauders, I would have had, even if I'd run out of ideas, words to motivate, enchant and encourage my troops. But here... The silence...
...
Occasionally, a grimace from Maya or a burlesque stunt from Saya would let out a laugh from the mother, who would then turn to me, leaving a knowing look hanging in the air for half a second before pulling herself together and hiding her mask in a new silence...
...
a heavy silence...
...
I was dying to take Ylang'Hao in my arms. Even without a word, the exercise Yokao had imposed on us to avoid the self-destruction of our couple had become familiar, but the lack of contact, even if only visual... pierced my heart so painfully that no mandible could match...
I could see it... his mask... as crimson as ever. The mark had stopped progressing, but it hadn't disappeared. All my natural confidence, all the comforting certainties I could tell him were gone.
What if there was nothing I could do for her? The Drakan could sometimes open her eyes to certain things, but right now... I was out of ideas, arguments and weapons to fight the evil I'd identified for her, that of not living freely.

So for as long as I didn't know what to do, I let it speak for itself, this silence... always hoping that it would be interrupted by a reflexive laugh at some foolishness of the young innocents.

...

Until I went out for the Guild meeting I'd been announcing for several months. A vague wave of the hand to say goodbye, or see you later, didn't encourage me much.
But now it was time to go up and join the Drakani...

I'd come back late from that meeting. That interlude with the Drakani had been so... simple, naive and full of enthusiasm, Tryker style in fact. I'd managed to extract myself from that heavy silence for the duration of the meeting.
The new Drakan Nhor, Ny-Ceowyn, was like a cute. He was a clown, but he carried a lot of hope for the Drakani. Hope that Tryker youth would be reborn in the interests of the Lakes. Once the guilding ceremony was over, the older members, who were showing signs of fatigue, headed home, while the younger ones wondered what trek they were about to embark on. Kyriann, still proudly wearing his black guild armor, always had the right words to take the little ones for a ride across Atys. As for me... I was reluctant to go home, even though I longed to understand what was troubling Ylang'hao and could hold her close to reassure her.
I found myself standing stupidly in front of the elevator door, motionless, my head full of questions, full of answers ready to be said if the conversation started. A head full of scenarios, a shy, tearful look and an emotional reunion, or ... an empty apartment. Empty. Without a wife or children, leaving me in fear and abandonment.
I stayed in my thoughts long enough in front of the doorman for him to get worried and get me out of these mental illusions I was trapped in.
"- Nair-Jazzy? You... you want to come up?"
Reassured, genial and determined to find out what awaited me, I rubbed my hands together under my chin, as if to give myself courage, and took the step that teleported me to the submerged apartment...

The doorman held out his arm to block my access to the elevator. My reflex was to glare at him, but with an equally questioning air, so incomprehensible was the situation. What's he got to do with it? I asked myself. He then gestured with his head as if to point with his chin to the terrace.
It saved me from discovering the empty apartment and unnecessary anxiety.

She was sitting on the 1st-floor terrace, with Saya'Kan and Maya'Kan in front of her, playing in the fresh lake air. The winter light was sometimes soft, despite the chill of the wind. The children were beginning to try to stand up, clinging to the railings of the suspension bridge.

I watched them from a distance, first to observe and then to analyze the situation. The family situation. I was forced to note that these children were apparently healthy, vigorous, alert and curious. Seeing them play with their mother made me happy, but also nostalgic. What had I missed out on that would deprive me of a stable, happy and ultimately ordinary life?

I continued to smile stupidly at them, lost in my questions, when Ylang'Hao, who finally noticed me, gestured to me to join them, accompanied by a broad smile. I was as confused as I was surprised, but above all reassured to finally see a reassuring and comforting gesture from her, simple as it was.
Just as well, I had something to say to him, and the reverse was true.
After a few exchanges of words and a few tender smiles, I finally took the plunge.
A calm discussion ensued as long as we exchanged nothing but banalities. I didn't dare broach my subject too brutally. Then "Yly" beat me to it and announced his fears. Homine was perceived as unstable, bordering on insane by some, and completely mad by others. Her sensitivity gave her a very special personality.
We both agreed that our union was not the easiest thing to live with. Many didn't find it "normal" for a neutral Tryker to marry a Kwai kami, just as in the eyes of the Theocracy, I had to convert to their religion at some point, as Sève had told us when we met before the wedding. As a Tryker, I had optimism running through my veins... but let's face it, the idea of shaking things up wasn't going to happen in a few months. So she decided to put some distance between us. Her words had the effect of a terrible storm in my heart, like a bolt of lightning that struck me down. Yet the idea I was going to propose to her was much the same, except that I would be the one to break the news. I hadn't imagined how this announcement could upset the other person.
So that's it... that's what you're proposing... to separate us, to keep the evil eye away from your family. She kept repeating that she loved us and only wanted our well-being, our protection and our love. The idea was to live in a neighboring apartment so she could continue to see the children when she could. I even think, knowing her, that the procedures for buying an apartment in Avendale were already underway.
After digesting this decision... it was up to me to state an idea that had been germinating in me for a few weeks of silence in the family home... The problem was... I was incapable of doing so... only he could tell him, that's my courage, my arrogance, my lucidity, and my frankness.
I closed my eyes and took a long, quiet breath. Ylang'Hao knew what I was up to because she'd been through it many times before.
My breath caught and a rale came from the back of my throat. That's it, I've let him have his say, he's the one speaking now, the other one...

I reopened my eyes slowly, wearing a confident, almost alarming smile.
Yly didn't flinch, neither fear nor dread showing on his mask.
"Drakan? it's you, isn't it? I'm glad you can talk to me because Jazzy isn't ready to hear everything."
I smiled wider.
"-Hooo Lordoy pretty Kwai, long time no see! bet I missed you! My charm, oy! my charm! it's because of him!!!"
Ylang'Hao smiled, not entirely unmoved by the Drakan, but she changed her mask to a serious tone.
She wanted us to talk.
"Oy Su-Ki, I'm here to tell you something but indeed, Jazzy will be unable to tell you himself..."