Lore и Хроники

Mother,


We’ve never been close. You’ve always been more engrossed in your researches and your mentor than in your own family. I believed that Lea Lenardi’s friendship would allow me to rise through society. That, thanks to her, I could find a place in the Court. Make a name for myself. Not be the daughter of Bravichi’s pupil anymore.
And then the tyrant Jinovitch came along and you fled.

I don’t know anymore if I should thank you or curse you for that. Maybe I would never have met Zane. Despite all these years, I’ve never known why she approached me. Oh, I know well that she was looking for something. I’m not that naïve. Was it your mentor she was aiming at? The future Karan through his betrothed? Or something else?

It doesn’t matter.

She has shown me that there was something else. Another path. Another way to not being your daughter anymore. Of course the philtres of the Dryads must have played a role, but I wouldn’t have tasted them if I had had a mother to prevent it. If you had been my role model instead of the total opposite, if you had offered me something more than a menial position in your shadow, then I wouldn’t have betrayed Lea.

No. I’m deluding myself.

I would have joined Zane anyway. Lea was already lost to me. I found her to be distant. I believe that she was also trying to find her place. How strange. Now that I think of it, I’m wondering if we haven’t, both of us, fought to be ourselves. To not be the daughter of... The spouse of... Maybe I have, in a sense, been luckier than her.

Strange thought.

In the end, maybe that’s the reason why she asked me to recover her father's chest. To prove to her husband that she could be valued for herself. And not only for the heir she would bear. How ironical! Proving one’s value through the remnants of another one. But it’s exactly what I’ll be doing myself. Oh, how I understand Lea better now than I did then!

In a while I’ll hand Bravichi Lenardi’s chest to his daughter.

This chest that this servant, whose name I’ve forgotten, had given to you by chance in your roaming. He was afraid, thought himself chased, he told you. I’m wondering what happened to him. Did handing you the knowledge of his master save him? Did he find safety far away from his native country? Or did he wind up, as you did, among strangers who barely tolerated him?

For you were tolerated, mother.

Entrusting the Dryads with Bravichi’s chest so that his knowledge would never be used again might have offered you protection against the kitins as part of the bargain, but you’ve never been one of us. Of them. Zane’s mission was much to get useful bits of information as to watch you.
I know that you were aware of this. Unlike me, you haven’t tried to follow their path. To understand them. To preserve Atys’ purity against the doings of homins such as your previous mentor. You did what was needed to be left in peace.
Except for that day… You shouldn’t have acted like that, mother. You had managed to become forgotten, more or less. You should have stayed in your place.

It doesn’t matter anymore. I’ve left my guilt about them in the Grove of Confusion.
I don’t want to believe that my gradual intolerance to the potions and philters might be the result of your action. But since I cannot be a Dryad anymore. Since now I can only hear a faint echo of the plant's song. Since I’m just an old homina, alone and tired. I’ll follow the last path still available to me. Meet up with the last friend I have. If she’s still a friend. To try to renew with her the thread of our carefree time.

Or at least not to die alone, as you did.

Maybe I can finally be rid of you by being rid of the inheritance of your mentor.

I hate you, mother.

Memory is strange. One remembers fleeting moments, feelings and images so brief that they could have never existed, and yet they affect more deeply than the dreadful whirlwind of the Swarm.

I don’t remember the day when I encountered Karae Lea Lenardi. Oh, I can rebuild the memory: the throne room, my mother’s anxiety as she was turning around me like an izam putting the final touch to its nest, the humming of all the gathered Nobles… But these are images, sounds, that I’m reassembling from other moments pulled from my memory.
On the other hand I remember precisely the first time I’ve seen my Karae smile. Her face lit up as if brushed by the very hand of Jena, and I knew at that exact moment that I would serve her until the day when I’ll join the Goddess. I just have to close my eyes for that recollection to illuminate the darkness of my memory, and for this feeling to heat again my old bones.
Yes, that moment will live in me forever.

Memory is very strange indeed. I felt I lived that time again yesterday.

Karae Lea was welcoming Nine Ginti, an old friend of hers, an homina who had been close to her but who she hadn’t seen for a many years of Jena.
I had said nothing to the Karae, but I know that the Karan has given strict orders to the guards who escorted her to the Palace: it is said that this Nine Ginti spent years with the Dryads and everyone knows that the Ancient Dryads are crazy. The most foolish rumors have gone around about how she escaped them with the help of Nobles and the Master of Arms, but I don’t believe all those fantastic stories; they're only good for astounding the people in the taverns.

However there’s no doubt that Na-Karan takes the safety of his mother at heart. I’ll obey him without a single hesitation should that homina attempt anything against my Karae, even if it cost my life.

It’s really not up to me to judge, but how drab that homina looked when she arrived at the door of my Karae’s quarters. Even if there isn’t much light entering it any more, nor many people, it was obvious that her outfit was of the crudest. She was standing there, at the doorstep, clutching against her bosom this chest that seemed to completely occupy her arms, and blinking like a drunken Tryker.
Finally, she entered and I lead her into the room where my Karae is spending most of her time.

I announced her, without any title since she has none, and she entered the room. That’s when it happened. My Karae, who can remain motionless for hours, looking at a scenery only she can see, mind lost on paths where I cannot accompany her… My Karae stiffened and her eyes lit up in a way I hadn’t seen for much too long. At that moment, I couldn’t say which emotion was moving her suddenly in this way, but I’ve felt myself something like a strange heat, and maybe even some hope, at seeing her coming back to life at last.

Nine Ginti, of course, hadn’t noticed a thing. She hesitated a bit, tried to curtsey, almost let the chest fall… Finally , she just stand rooted there, wondering what to do.
My Karae ended up motioning her to approach, calling her with her surname. And the visitor answered, calling her “Lea”! I almost exploded on the spot, but controlled myself, and I made sure that she took a seat far enough from Karae Lea’s chair.
It’s when she put the chest on the ground that I understood: it was triumph in the eyes of my Karae. Because she had finally recovered what none other had brought before her: the knowledge of her father, the Architect of Life, the great Bravichi Lenardi.

The rest of the visit was mostly of no interest.
Nine Ginti told her story from the time when she and my Karae met for the last time. I suspect she didn’t say everything, especially regarding how she managed for her mother to entrust her with the chest, and also about the reasons that led her to the Ancient Dryads. She especially insisted on the fact that she was bringing the chest back, as the Karae had asked her. I would have gladly pointed out to her that it had taken her a lot more time than needed, even if she had been crawling the whole way from the Grove to Yrkanis, but the Karae Lea just listened to her and thanked her for taking so many chances for her.
She finally finished and went away, leaving the chest of course.

Jena knows that I don’t have any trust in that homina. But when I went back to my Karae’s room, she was holding the chest on her knees and stroking it slowly. She was smiling with this smile that only she wears, that bears a reflection of the Goddess light.

She has asked me not to judge Nine too harshly, and I’ll obey. Because she’s my Karae. And because her old friend brought her back her smile.