[…]
To conclude… I grew up, and I learned. I got older.
To be honest, I'm a bit afraid of the return. In my heart, I would like this trip to never end, and still discover all those places the Rangers told us about. But a lifetime won't be long enough. And at the same time, if you knew how much I long to find my son, this son we don't know… To make up for lost time, to support Wixarika who had to take care of him alone for so long. I learned a lot, I think. I realize now that I always thought I was doing good, I always thought I was doing the right thing, supporting my loved ones, but ignoring their expectations, their advice, their opinions. I did the opposite. I thought I was doing good for everyone, my good, not caring what they really wanted. I lied to you, I acted as if my actions were going to save us, and all I did was tear us apart, tear us apart, put us in danger. A blind, stubborn, selfish homina I have been.
But I have grown old now. I have changed my opinion about the world, about the Karavan, about the Kamis, about the homins. I have changed my opinion about you, about myself, about the trust I can place in everyone. And probably about the trust I can place in myself, too. That's where it starts, isn't it? When you always want to prove that you belong and that you are doing the right thing, without really believing it… You end up feeling like you have the world against you, like you are the only awake conscience in this world. I was so stupidly arrogant, and I made so many mistakes. I wish I'd realized that when I was younger, but it's probably the way things are. You have to get old to get ahead. You have to come close to death, real death, you have to understand that you are totally helpless when faced with certain things.
And to answer what you asked me earlier… Years ago, I lost my trust in the Empire, and I fled. Rather than fight, rather than give them a chance to restore my faith in them. Now I could return, but I made a promise, to return to the Lakes, to the Drakani, to the Federation. The family that took me in when I was a shadow of my former self, torn with questions and hatred. I don't think they need me there, but I have to keep my promise, I have a lot to catch up on. And I'll spend as much time as I can in Thesos, taking care of Uzykos. And you'll be there, too…
Eeri fell silent, closing her eyes for a moment, having said these last words in an unusually slow and calm voice, as if emerging from a dream. When she regained consciousness of her surroundings, Azazor was still writing. The skin on his bruised forehead was slightly creased. He displayed a concentrated pout as he wrote the last word, while looking up at her. She looked at him, confused.
"I… I digressed. You wrote all this?"
"ney."
"Oh, toub… I was just thinking out loud. Wouldn't you like to erase the last things I said…?"
"You asked me to write, I wrote."
"Well, we can always proofread and edit, right?"
The Fyros grumbled, he had no desire to spend time adjusting every sentence.
"If you're not happy with that, just learn to write with your left hand. Besides, it was kind of touching."
"Touching… For a Fyros girl who is half Tryker and half impotent…"
Azazor smiled and looked over Eeri's shoulder. A Tryker was coming towards them, smiling, emerging from the strangely familiar gloom of this place they had walked through years ago.
"… And half old, too," Eeri continued.
"Save your halves for later, I know one who's coming to offer us baba in full mugs."
---
Eeri"Quand on a le nez trop près de la bouteille, on ne voit plus le bar"