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[Zorai]Assemblies of the Circles of the Theocracy in Zora and Hoi-Cho - EVENTS - Ryzom Community ForumHomeGuest

EVENTS


[Zorai]Assemblies of the Circles of the Theocracy in Zora and Hoi-Cho

... continuation

d) well, I do not really find any reason to rephrase this: "Your way of phrasing your suggestions with "shall" and "may" seems to indicate that you are used to giving commands to troops, as do your strict and military-like suggestions for the political Assemblies.".

Do you think it should rather be "phrasingyour suggestions using "shall" and "may" "? Hm, maybe it should also be "rigid" instead of "strict", shouldn't it?

e) sadly there are some mistakes in this passage too:

"So you do you, Awakened Fey-Lin Liang, want to have some longwinding philosophical reasoning of yoursself interrupted by "Orators" other than the Sages, for the purpose of proceeding to the next topics? Of course you don't. How interesting that you do not want only the Sages, but also the Awakened - such as yourself - to "approve" to putting an end to longer debates? Isn't your intention showing just too obviously?"

How about phrasing it like this instead:

"So would you, Awakened Fey-Lin Liang, be interrupted in some longwinding philosophical reasoning of yourself by "Orators" other than the Sages, so that the Assembly could proceed to the next topics? Of course you don't. How interesting that you do not want only the Sages, but also the Awakened - such as yourself - to first "approve" with putting an end to longer debates? Isn't your intention showing just too obviously?"

There was a superfluously "you" at the beginning of the passage and one "s" too many in "yoursself", my apologies.

f) well, there doesn't seem to be any mistake in this passage: "Do you ever include "respect" for the audience, for those you call "other Homins" in your picture as well; especially Non-Initiates living in the Witherings and Homins who hold important informations about a number of topics?"

That phrasing seems to be just fine.

g) my Min-Cho-dialect is not good enough as to know how to redo this sentence best, even if the word "own" appears twice, so I'd suggest leaving it as it is: "So shouldn't your own way to voice long arguments in a fast pace seem very "disrespectful" in your own eyes; since it makes translations harder and such "excludes" homins who speak other dialects?"

Or perhaps you'd prefer the wording "your own way of voicing long arguments" instead?

h) and yes, this passage needs to be revised too, true: "At the last Assembly you have even asked the Sage to address the topic you wanted to speak about first, even though he was not finished with putting together the list of agenda. So what is it really when you're talking about "respect"?"

"At the last Assembly you have asked the Sage to address the topic you wanted to speak about first, even though he was not finished with putting together the list of agenda. And you even phrased it as a surprise how the Sage could have "misunderstand" your question - just like you were naturally expecting him to answer to your concerns preferential. So what is it really when you're talking about "respect"?"

I hope this will suit your tastes more.

Zhoi

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